My 85 yo mother lives with my brother and his family in a separate apartment. My brother takes the lion's share of care of Mother. She is going downhill, steadily, can walk with a walker, does get out twice a week to the Sr. Center., but the rest of the time she's home, watching TV or doing puzzles. I live close to her and see her 2-3 times a week and help as much as she'll allow, but the truth is, she really wants to see the 3 siblings that never come to visit her. Every time I go, she'll ask politely how my family is and then ask me about ALL the other sibs and their kids and the grandkids. I am sick at heart that my sisters don't even pick up the phone once a month. My brother lives only 3 miles from her and he hasn't seen her since Christmas, nor called her. I did talk to each of these sibs last week and told them that she is really quite lonely and could they take time to just drop by? Brother did feel horribly guilty and stopped by for 15 last week, between a wedding and the reception. The other 2 sisters haven't seen her in months, probably, since Christmas also. When I go up, I always feel like Mother really wishes it was one of the other kids. I'm not the favorite, and that's OK...but how do I encourage my sibs to take some time for her? She's not going to be with us a lot longer--and while I am at peace with that, I think my sisters are going to be shocked to see how much she has deteriorated since Christmas. Distance is no excuse--the furthest one away from her is only 8 miles away! Mother always says "Oh they just are so busy!" (One sister just returned from a 10 day golf trip.....) I'm baffled here, don't want to guilt them, but would love to see them spend one day once a month with her. (Yes, she could call them , but she has never been that kind of mother, we have to initiate--so don't suggest she call them, she won't) Any ideas?
So I guess my answer is you cannot make them care. It is not your problem. Focus on your own relationship with your mother. And it's not your responsibility to "report" to them how your mother is doing either. If they cared even a little, they would get off their @ss and go see her. That's the reality of it. It's just not your problem. I know it is hard. Be strong and just love your Mom!
xo
-SS
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