Any tips on avoiding being accused of any wrongdoing?
My sociopathic sister asked me to come visit my mom for 4 days while she goes on vacation. My 87 yr old mom has been in a skilled nursing facility since she fell almost a month ago. I live out of state but am going to visit her for 4 days in a few weeks to help take care of her while my sister is away. My sister is an evil liar and backstabber, so just wanted to be aware of any ways I can avoid trouble. I'm a little concerned that since I have no authority as far as my mother's health or financial matters - my sister has total control of her - I can't be involved in medical decisions. I'm just trying to think of some pitfalls I could fall in to if I'm not prepared for them. Say an emergency arises and the doctors won't talk to me since I have no healthcare authorization over her. So I will be excluded from any sharing of information or decisions but I am there overseeing her care. Or something happens - she falls out of bed, goes in to cardiac arrest, or whatever during my visit and I get blamed for it. I feel like I'm walking into a firestorm. Maybe I should bring a nannycam to record everything during my visits? Just trying to think of ways this visit could backfire on me. I'm not staying in her room, I am paying to stay in a guest room at the senior residence where her apt is. My sister said I could stay in my mom's apartment, but I don't want to leave myself open to accusations of theft and snooping. I have learned the hard way that it is a lot better to not even enter her apartment. If I do have to enter for any reason, such as my mom asks me to get something for her, I will have a security person accompany me as a witness. Sorry, I know this sounds paranoid, but I am dealing with a sociopath of a sister who stays up at night thinking of ways to trap and sabotage me. I don't speak to her except rare emails that are strictly business related to my mom. I am starting to have anxiety and second thoughts about going. I am a good person and would never do anything the least bit harmful, but my sister has made it her life's ambition to paint me out to be a bad person as a way to win favor with our mom and the rest of our family. Last visit there I was accused (after I left) of finding a watch my sister had lost and hiding it in my mom's financial document bag. I only found out a month later when my brother called me to let me know she was telling everyone that, and most believed her fabrication apparently. Any advise will be appreciated.
There's a big difference between an apartment in a senior community and a skilled nursing facility. And that would make a huge difference in any physical issues that might arise and how they should be handled.
Although I don't question the need of a daughter to be with her mother, I do wonder why it is that your sister feels you need to be there when she's on vacation. If your mother's in a SNF, there's more care there than you could possibly provide. They've have a copy of any DNR and would respond accordingly.
Honestly, with all the tension and suspicion you have toward your sister (which may be justified - I don't know), I would try to make arrangements to visit your mother at a restaurant or neutral place, or always in the company of someone else. Can your brother visit with you?
If she is in a senior living facility, visit with her in public areas where there are others around, especially staff. You might even ask staff about this beforehand and see if they'll "monitor" your visits.
It's really sad though to read of the suspicion and tension in your family.
I would visit while others are around. The door to the nursing home room may be left open.
If your sister is so against you, why are you going to visit your mom when she is out of town? With all the things that you anticipate happening....I would imagine that they might.
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