My sociopathic sister asked me to come visit my mom for 4 days while she goes on vacation. My 87 yr old mom has been in a skilled nursing facility since she fell almost a month ago. I live out of state but am going to visit her for 4 days in a few weeks to help take care of her while my sister is away. My sister is an evil liar and backstabber, so just wanted to be aware of any ways I can avoid trouble. I'm a little concerned that since I have no authority as far as my mother's health or financial matters - my sister has total control of her - I can't be involved in medical decisions. I'm just trying to think of some pitfalls I could fall in to if I'm not prepared for them. Say an emergency arises and the doctors won't talk to me since I have no healthcare authorization over her. So I will be excluded from any sharing of information or decisions but I am there overseeing her care. Or something happens - she falls out of bed, goes in to cardiac arrest, or whatever during my visit and I get blamed for it. I feel like I'm walking into a firestorm. Maybe I should bring a nannycam to record everything during my visits? Just trying to think of ways this visit could backfire on me. I'm not staying in her room, I am paying to stay in a guest room at the senior residence where her apt is. My sister said I could stay in my mom's apartment, but I don't want to leave myself open to accusations of theft and snooping. I have learned the hard way that it is a lot better to not even enter her apartment. If I do have to enter for any reason, such as my mom asks me to get something for her, I will have a security person accompany me as a witness. Sorry, I know this sounds paranoid, but I am dealing with a sociopath of a sister who stays up at night thinking of ways to trap and sabotage me. I don't speak to her except rare emails that are strictly business related to my mom. I am starting to have anxiety and second thoughts about going. I am a good person and would never do anything the least bit harmful, but my sister has made it her life's ambition to paint me out to be a bad person as a way to win favor with our mom and the rest of our family. Last visit there I was accused (after I left) of finding a watch my sister had lost and hiding it in my mom's financial document bag. I only found out a month later when my brother called me to let me know she was telling everyone that, and most believed her fabrication apparently. Any advise will be appreciated.
I'm curious, did mom tell brother about a two hour wait? Would mom complain about you to them? Is she a " pot stirrer"?
All in all it was a good visit and was nice seeing my family with my nasty sister not in the middle of everything for once. One of my mom's visitors was surprise to hear I was staying in a $75/nt. guest suite in the building my mom's apartment is in. She asked why I wasn't staying in my mom's apartment, and I couldn't come out and say "Because I wanted to avoid being accused of stealing things, moving things around, etc." So I just said "Uh, I don't know, it just seemed easier..." I never even entered my mom's apartment, nor had a key, so I didn't leave my sister much to work with as far as slander material. So it was a good visit and hopefully down the road I won't hear through the grapevine about any things I did wrong, failed to do, or whatever. I gave it my very best and if that isn't good enough, well next time I won't spend the $700 and 4 days of my time to come visit and take care of her.
To answer your question Babalou...yes my mom definitely is a "pot stirrer". And she will likely complain about me to my sister, any little detail she can think of that wasn't quite to her liking. Her loyalty is to my sister since she lives there in town and manages our mom's care, finances, etc. - everything. So I can expect some of that from my mom to reassure my sister that she is still #1 and there is no risk of her being dethroned by good ol' me..."2nd Best". I'm happy to be just that!!
Wow rainman...you really endured a lot with months of heat in your parents' apartment during menopause, no less!! I can so relate...you are a trooper for sure!!
Hugs to all of you and thanks so much for your moral support!! I appreciate all of your comments and shared experiences!